THE YELLOW ROSE OF FORTY
My Dad bought yellow roses four times in his life.
Forty years ago today, my Dad bought my Mom yellow roses to celebrate my birth. He never bought yellow roses again until I graduated from college. I carried a dozen three years later on my wedding day, and the last time he bought them was 12 years ago: May 16, 1997, my Ph.D. commencement and my 28th birthday.
My Dad passed away on April 25, 2007 so I won’t be receiving yellow roses on the day I turn forty. I will be attending another Commencement, but not my own. Today is the Macalester College Class of 2009 Commencement. I know the graduates can’t imagine what they will feel like 18 years from now.
Like me, they will have regrets, but to paraphrase Sinatra, I’ve had a few, but then again, too few to mention. Instead I’ll share the ten things I’d do again:
- Go on that blind date in 1993
- Talk to my mother and take her advice
- Accept that wearing a size six between the ages 22 and 32 was a good run
- Surround Austin with love and dignity
- Ensure that Avi never heard the expression “light skinned” or “good hair”
- Trust that Zach would complete our family
- Have two real friends
- Write down everything I wanted to say to my dad before he passed away, and say it
- Cry with my students
- Do it my way
Class of 2009, live your dream and if you have a child do something special for them on the day they’re born. They will never forget, even when they’re old and forty.
Jeff Sack
1098 days ago
That is a fantastic story. As I am approaching that milestone myself in a few weeks, I suppose I need to take some time to reflect on my life as well.
I hope you have a great birthday. Like a bottle of wine, you get better with age. I am so glad we reconnected.
Jeff
Anonymous
1098 days ago
Wonderful, your Dad would be so proud of you as I am. Your way ain’t to bad-:)
Mom
Nkayo
1097 days ago
Happy Belated Birthday Duchess. I want to say thank you for getting me through this semester. You are wonderful and amazing.
Anonymous
1096 days ago
I tell all my 20something friends that the 30s are amazing. Watching you and Adrienne age so gracefully makes me excited to keeping getting older and wiser. Thanks for chronicling this so your former students can keep learning from you.
Elly Searle
Mika
1096 days ago
You will never forget the yellow roses.I’m glad to share your nice story.Wonderful.
Alexa
1096 days ago
Make plans to come to Salem in December so we can celebrate together. Or whenever you’re out East.
Rose
1096 days ago
Lovely post. I turn 40 this month and am not looking forward to it.
Karol
1096 days ago
What a wonderful memory! I know daddy was always very proud of you. We love you and your family. Much love – your sister – Karol
Happy Birthday
Anonymous
1096 days ago
Happy Belated Birthday! I enjoyed reading the story of the roses. I am excited about your accomplishments at 40. If I could grow up again, I would get some coaching from you.
Your friend,
Judy
Walker
1089 days ago
Happy Belated Birthday!! You and my only brother just like that 1…2. His is on the 17th. El-Hajj Malik on the 19th…well?
Forty is old now, Doc? Forty is smokin’! Wait until you reach 60 and everything around you is retro
You are living proof to me that mentoring is a two way road. I have gained invaluable insight from listening to you and watching you develop your talent. Our friendship is something rare. It takes so much resilience to keep unfurling our dreams like sails on a tiny boat on the water in a dead calm. You never stop believing that the wind will come to you and move your heart along, no matter how heavy it feels.
Peace be upon you and the wonderfulness too.
Khalid Moussa